Why? Because I think I was able to find out how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie travel into weird parts of Africa to adopt all those kids - and it ain't fun!!!!!
You can only get to some of these places by small aircraft that can fly into small airstrips!
That's what happened to us going to Mala Mala. Mala Mala is a high end, fairly remote private game reserve in SA. They have their own airstrip, so you get there by private pilot in a small plane - this brings problems!!!!
We flew to Nelspruiit, SA and were met there by the private pilot, Brad and Angelina style - think I told you that in an earlier post!!!
Here are the pix. He introduces himself, tells you he will be your pilot, then asks a few important questions: have you ever flown in a small plane before (me-yes!, but not quite THIS small - 3 seats and the pilot - really only 2 seats behind him!!!)do you have motion sickness (me-no!), but he goes on to tell you that you might on this flight even if you have never had it before (a confidence builder!!!!!) because of the type of air over the type of land etc. the flight could be VERY rough (WAS!!!!!)
Then he points out the "little white bag" and says if you are sick, use the bag, and then keep it as a souvenir from us and take it with you - ALSO NICE!!!!!!!
"Now, he says, lets get going!" GREAT!!!!!!
"Just put one foot on that small (YEH SMALL - like the size of a bar of hotel soap!!!)
step/pad and JUMP into the plane!!!!"
That "pad" would be on the wheel strut of the plane which is already more than 3 feet off the ground (more than half my height!!) and then the floor of the plane is about another 4 ft. above that, at least, just to the plane floor, and the seat is above!!!
I panic totally, and wish I had done a 1 year fitness program just for this one maneuvre, as well as lose most of my body weight so that it would be like heaving a flea up that far!!! I look at Tom to see if it is only my confidence that is waning - nope, he does an eye roll and eye brow lift that says "holy shit" to me!!! I panic and know that my chances, without a MAJOR ass lift from either Tom or the pilot - OR BOTH, are slim, so to speak!!! I felt like I was a contestant on Fear Factor - TERRIBLE AND HOT!!!!
Tom offered to go first, just to be macho, but hell no, then my ass heave would have to be from the totally cute, curly-haired, young (23?) pilot, who looked like he only weighed 124 pounds soaking wet - coulda killed him if I fell!!!!
So, I take a deep breath, tighten what stomach muscles I have, pray that I don't slip off the launching pad, do 3 hop steps on the tarmac, and start to propel my short legs and "traditional" body sky-ward!!
Tom & pilot are watching me, and obviousy Tommy knew that the chances of success didn't look promising, so next thing I know I have a hand on my ass and one on my crotch (I really didn't, at that point, want to know whose hands!!!!!!). Thank gawd they were Tommy's hands, and I was up and on the seat - YIKES - what a relief.
My next fear is that I now have to watch Mr. Muscle, Tom, get in, and it will be easy and athletic for him and I will feel like such a dork!!! Well, he wasn't as bad as me, but the pilot did give him a bit of a hand and I knew it was a guy thing - Tom would get a hernia and tear 2 leg tendons and an ass muscle, and endure immense pain, before he would be heaved up and not look cool!!!!
At least Tom only looked like a giraffe trying to get into a drinking glass (being tall, with long legs makes it better, it's a better thing to blame!!)while I looked like a cross between an elephant and the white rhino we saw, trying to get into a drinking glass!!!!!
At least I didn't barff - looked down a lot - you could see herds of animals on the barren parts, but then had to remember to focus your line of site on the horizon to not feel nausea!!!
How glad was I when I saw the Mala Mala sign on the ground (pix included here!!)? About as happy as someone who lives through surgery!!!!
The dismounting isn't a lot better, but you feel you have nothing to lose in the humiliation dept. so I just make sure Tom is out on the ground first, and then threw myself near the strut step and tripped to the ground and thanked God that it was all over.
I don't care that Angelina has 6ft. long legs and a size 0 ass, I don't think even she could do this well. I'm sure they roll out some cushy step apparatus for her!!!
So, as I started out saying - I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT RICH AND FAMOUS...........'cause I might have to do that a lot!!!!!
